#thegreatemuwar

Here's one for Throwback Thursday. 

Once upon a time lived a large number of emus in the barren west of Australia. They were enjoying a casual life of eating, sleeping, and mating        ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). (FYI, emus are big flightless birds living in Australia. Here is a picture.)

Then came the ex-soldiers from World War I to settle in the country's barren west. Apparently, they were having trouble finding a new job so the government paid them to live there. (How lucky! Yes, please pay me too for doing absolutely nothing useful in my life!) Anyways, about 5,000 ex-soldiers started to grow wheat to eat.

Okay, there are about 20,000 emus living in the the barren west, as I have previously mentioned. And guess what, they found free food! They swarmed through the fences and feasted. Everyone likes free food! Nobody likes overpriced food like those stu..*censored*. Now, as if droughts and the Great Depression were not bad enough, the soldiers had to deal with 20,000 emus.

Being unable to stop these cute birds, farmers requested assistance from the Defense Minister George Pearce. He agreed to send lewis machine guns along with soldiers to operate them.

And this is how the war against emus began.

Guys, before we move on, allow me to advertise this. Lewis machine guns are one of the first and most used light machine guns during World War I. It weighs 28.66 pounds, 50.38 inches long, and gas-operated. This baby can fire .303 British, .30-06 Springfield, and 7.92x57mm Mauser caliber rounds at 550 rounds-per-minute. Quite an impressive baby! Here is a picture.

Armed with Lewis machine guns and about 10,000 ammunition, soldiers began their assault on a large flock of emus - around 50. They fired countless amount of bullets at them but surprisingly, most of the birds were left unharmed.

Disappointed by the performance on the first day, the soldiers decided to stage an ambush lying in wait near a dam. This time, there were around 1000 emus in a close range. Once again, soldiers opened fire, and it was another disappointing result. Despite unloading hundreds and hundreds of bullets at close to a thousand of emus, less than a dozen were killed. Alright, guys, I mean no disrespect here but those soldiers must have had a Stormtrooper's aim. With a baby that could fire 550 rpm against 1,000 emus in a close range? I don't know man -

Soldiers stated that emus were very....fast. So, somebody came up with a great idea! How about we mount machine guns on trucks! Here is a representation:

Emus: they can run fast

Major Premise: Mount machine guns on trucks

Minor Premise: Machine guns are now fast too.

Conclusion: Emus not so fast anymore.

This idea seemed like a great idea! Now, soldiers can match the speed of emus and actually do their job. In reality, however, even with the trucks, their performance did not improve. Just think about it, soldiers with a stormtrooper's aim on a moving truck. Not just any moving truck but a very fast-moving truck. Very fast moving truck on a rugged terrain. You can use your imagination to guess what will happen.

At the end of the day, the Australian government thought it was pointless and a waste of resources to continue the war, so they recalled their soldiers back to their headquarters. Settlers made several more attempts to get the soldiers to return and fight but the federal government refused. The emus had won.

- Gunwoo Jin