#we-should-totally-stab-Caesar
Today we are going to talk about Julius Caesar.
As most of us took English classes, the name Julius Caesar should ring a bell. Yes, I am talking about Shakespeare's plays. I have nothing against Julius Caesar but the fact that I had to read Shakespeare's play about him MAKES ME WANT TO ALMOST OPEN A NEW STRAWBERRY JAM JAR! Shakespeare unit in my English class was the worst experience I ever had, other than holding my dump for five days during serventure camp.
(This picture below summarizes my English class.)
Anyways, Julius Caesar is a very historically significant man. His full name is Gaius Julius Caesar but we all know him as Chicken Caesar. He was a celebrated Roman general, conqueror of Gaul, victor of civil war, and a dictator.
(Here is a picture of him)
Image taken from the BBC
Yeah, back then everybody (the Romans) liked to put leaves on their head. It was sort of trendy. The article is going to be too long if I go over everything about him so we will only discuss important parts.
Before we start, though, it's important to note that Caesar was notorious for his swagger. In the 74 BCE, he was kidnapped by Cilician pirates. Caesar was a 25-year-old traveling to Rhodes to study at that time. From the start, Caesar didn't behave like a captive. When the pirates demanded a ransom of 20 talents, he "burst out laughing. They did not know, he said, who it was they had captured, and he volunteered to pay fifty." He was also incredibly bossy: although the Cilicians were the most bloodthirsty people of the Mediterranean world, he had no qualms about telling them to shut up when he wanted to sleep. He also wrote poems and speeches, which he would read out to them. When they failed to admire his work, he would call them illiterate savages and promised to have them all hanged. You'd think that the pirates would be super offended, but they thought he was funny as heck and were quite taken with his behavior. As soon as he got back to Rome, though, he made good on his word - Caesar immediately manned ships, captured the pirates, and saw that they were crucified. This tells us that he's a go-getter - albeit an arrogant one.
Julius Caesar was a very effective soldier and orator. He quickly rose through the military ranks. After a successful campaign in Spain, he won the personal allegiance of his troops through his skill on the battlefield. Returning to Rome with high honors, he was awarded a consulship by the Senate (the high political power). When he came back to Rome, he made friends with the wealthiest man in Rome, Marcus Licinius Crassus, and a great politician, Pompey. Caesar entered into a business/political agreement with Pompey and Crassus in 60 BCE, named The First Triumvirate. In the modern version, it was basically the mean girls' circle that ran Rome: three wealthy and influential giants who controlled the Senate and elections (and basically bullied everyone).
Unlike Pompey and Crassus, Caesar had neither great wealth or political power. He was going broke too from all the debts from his "friends". He needed cha-ching and prestige and needed it fast. He went to France to search for it.
He knew the wealth and power to be gained in a conquest. He subdued tribes of Gaul (a region in ancient France) and became the sovereign of the province of Gaul with all the attendants' wealth at his disposal. When the Germanic tribes were threatening to invade, Caesar built a bridge over the Rhine River, marched his legions across in a show of force, then marched them back and had the bridge dismantled. The Germans understood the message and never invaded.
(Here is demonstration:)
When Caesar came back to Rome, his mean girls' circle was gone. The rich dude (Crassus) died in a battle against Persia, and Pompey no longer wanted to be friends with Caesar. Pompey solely controlled the Republic now. Pompey ordered Caesar's governorship in Gaul to be terminated and Caesar himself returned to Rome as a citizen. Caesar would not only lose his gain through the conquest but also persecuted by Pompey and the Senate.
Caesar didn't like that.
And so begins the massive beef between Caesar and Pompey.
Caesar crossed the Rubicon River with his legions and marched on the city in 49 BCE. This was considered an act of war as the Rubicon was the border between the province of Gaul and Rome. Pompey, rather than meet Caesar's legions in battle, fled to Spain and then to Greece where he was defeated by Caesar's much smaller force at the Battle of Pharsalus in 48 BCE. Pompey fled to Egypt only to be killed by Egyptians. When Caesar arrived at Egypt, he wept upon the death of his ex-friend - and then had fun with Queen Cleopatra ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
Julius Caesar, a Roman politician, military general, and historian (who wrote about his military campaigns but conveniently left out his losses) played a critical role in the events that led to the demise of the Roman Republic and the rise of the Roman Empire.
His ambition, though, gave his political peers the heebie-jeebies. Because of that, he got stabbed many times by his friends for being too bossy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #meh
